"This code makes me want to kick puppies"
"This is the kind of code that makes me want to pull out my own hair and strangle children with it"
"The only thing that could fix this code is CTRL+A+Delete"
"I can only hope the author of this has choked to death on his own vomit"

Additions Please...

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When dealing with a particularly lovely bit of logic The Kaptain finds himself saying "You have got to be fishing kidding" a lot.
</edit>

i actually do this alot to my own code.

what the fish was i thinking.
um, what
i quit
holy crap i must have been drunk

saying to a client regarding old code: just because I wrote it a year ago, doesnt mean I understand it today.

and often times i wonder if someone at the client monkeyed with the code, but is keeping quiet

I think the "You've got to be fishing kidding me" line is an alltime fav around here.
I'm also a big fan, when looking at my own code, of "That's not mine." and
"What moron wrote that? It's got to be completely redone."

PinkHat will most often simply hear me utter, "This is horrible. My God. Simply horrible." However she is enthused because that usually denotes the start of an early happy hour