Rovian Translations/Comparisons

While the “Straight Talk Express” continues it’s twisted journey across the American psyche, I thought it might be nice to offer some translations, or at least comparisons, of the two candidates and how they are described for you. This is wryly humorous, but unfortunate at the same time; Republicans seem to get away with saying anything they want, and Democrats just seem to try to push things back to a Newtonian equal and opposite position. And if they did, BOY would they be called out by the right wing and the public for being offensive, derisive, polarizing and evil. So I guess that it is just expected that Republicans will be despicable politicians. But I digress.

Here are a couple things that were sent to me by a dear friend living in Utah today. I think they’re spot on.

• If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you’re “exotic, different and elite.”
• Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re a quintessential American story.
• If your name is Barack you’re a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
• Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you’re a maverick.
• Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
• Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you’re well grounded.
• Perk’s Addition: If you attend a church where the pastor can say hateful things about America, then you are unpatriotic and a great danger to our society.
• If, from a position of elected office you try to get a librarian fired for not banning Constitutionally protected books from a public library (based on religious grounds), you are serving the spirit of America.
• If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million peoplewhile sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership experience.
• If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the citycouncil and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you’re qualified to become the country’s second highest ranking executive.
• Perk’s Addition: According to Carly Fiorina (ex-CEO of Hewlett Packard) Sara Palin is not only qualified, she’s extraordinarily qualified to be Vice President, or President should that come to pass. However asked the direct question, “Could she be CEO of your company?” the answer is a quick and decisive NO. So I guess that working Congress, the largest budget on the planet and the awesome capability and responsibility of the world’s most lethal arsenal pales in comparison to a board of directors, Wall Street and payroll worries. If this does not tell you what Republicans think of her, our highest office and the importance of this election, nothing will.
• If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you’re not a real Christian.
• If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a real Christian.
• If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
• If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you’re very responsible.
• Perk’s Addition: If you try to get a bill passed that will assist children understand what “inappropriate activity” is so that they will know better how to protect themselves and feel good about reporting such activity to their teachers and parents, you’re trying to teach kindergartners sex education.
• If you allow your underage daughter to be inseminated by a hockey player while you preach the values of church and abstinence, then it is inappropriate and sexist to question your judgement and moral authority.
• If your wife is a Harvard graduate laywer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family’s values don’t represent America’s.
• If you’re husband is nicknamed “First Dude”, with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn’t register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.
• Perk’s Addition: If you are greeted like the second coming of Christ in 30 different cities over the course of a week, speak to roaring and supportive crowds of over 200K people and preach the betterment of our relations with those nations, you have no international experience and are just a celebrity.
• If you can see see a small line on the horizon that is Russia from your little town and have ceremonial (but no operational) authority over the Alaskan National Guard and claim to have been to Europe even though it was only to refuel a plane in Ireland, then you have vast and important international relations experience.

Wow. It’s come down to this.