Sorry, I've been busy lately >_<
* How does xargs know what param and where? Is there some voodoo that tar exposes so (things like) xargs will know what to deliver?
Piping to xargs says "xargs, take the output of the previous command, and give it to the end of this command". By default, it's the predicate (end) of the command.
* I assume from your example that the regex is going to be quicker than the -not-name ... why is that? You seem (in other threads) to be wary of turning on the regex engine because of the overhead?
No, I rail against turning on the PCRE when it's not necessary. This kind of regex parsing is compiled right into the kernel, you can't get much faster. Now, if you used egrep or grep -P, then we should start to talk about performance impact because that spools up the PCRE.
* I'm not sure I understand the difference between using < and | ... if I read you correctly, they both push stdin towards the receiving app.
Not quite. Technically, pipes are for streams and < and > (and >> and <<) are for files, but as we both know there is only a technical distinction between a file and a stream in UNIX.
So, if we have 2 pieces of a command, commandSubA and commandSubB:
commandSubA < commandSubB = execute (or read, as it's usually a file) commandSubB and write its output to commandSubA
commandSubA > commandSubB = inverse of above. execute (or read from) commandSubA and write the output to commandSubB
commandSubA | commandSubB = pipe the stdout of commandSubA *directly* to the stdin of commandSubB
the important distinction between using greater than/less than vs. pipe is that a pipe is meant to handle a stream, and the greater than/less than is meant to handle a file. using >> or << will append instead of overwriting. I log the output of a lot of my cron jobs using >>
* In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't understand the difference and/or usage between < > and | entirely.

Hopefully I asplained it well enough above.

Everyone has different styles of learning, but I learned all that just by trying different things until one worked. I never read the instructions until it's way too late lol