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Author Topic: Letter from fauxSteve to Christians  (Read 5213 times)
perkiset
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« on: December 06, 2010, 12:22:14 PM »

Loved this today at The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs. It's hilarious anytime, but today the "letter" he openly published is just classic.

Quote from: Faux Steve Jobs
Dear faux Christians,

First of all, itís my store, and Iíll sell what I want, and I will not sell what I donít want to sell. Thatís my definition of freedom ó Iím free to do whatever the hell I want with my store.

Second, your ďreligionĒ is a myth. Itís bogus. Jesus did not die and rise from the tomb and ascend into heaven. Okay? That. Did. Not. Happen. God did not take the form of a little bird and fly down and impregnate an unwed teenage virgin girl so that she could give birth to a half-human half-divine man-god. Immaculate conception, virgin birth, raising people from the dead, walking on water, loaves and fishes ó great stories, but correctly filed under ďfiction.Ē The sad fact is, what you call ďfaithĒ is a form of mental illness. Itís amazing enough that so many of you are running around in your mental case dream world. But itís simply unacceptable when you start trying to impose your delusions upon the rest of us. Cynical politicians may feel the need to humor you and kowtow to your demands. I, however, do not.

Third, while Christianity is completely a myth, it would be useful if you actually understood the myth that you purport to be building your lives around. The sad fact is that you do not even understand the philosophy you claim to espouse. I do not know if you are intentionally misunderstanding the myth, or if you are just stupid and/or poorly educated. But your beliefs are not, in fact, Christian. Heck, if youíre a Roman Catholic, your entire organization is not Christian. Itís Roman paganism with the name of Christ grafted onto it. Ever seen the Vatican? Please explain how that jibes with anything Christ ever said or taught. Or hereís a fun exercise. Go to Rome, and visit the Forum, then walk across town and visit the Vatican. Wait for the bells to start going off in your head.

Protestants moved in the right direction when they figured this out and broke away from Rome. But over the centuries they too have been corrupted, and in the last fifty years the nutso born-agains have twisted everything up and what they call their ďreligionĒ no longer has anything to do with anything Christ ever said or taught ó itís about using Christís name to gain secular power. Let me explain. Jesus Christ did not preach hate. He did not tell people to oppress other people. He did not ever say that he hated gay people. He did not tell his apostles to run for political office after he died so they could change the laws of Rome.

Iím not even a Christian, and even I know this stuff. So let me take a moment to explain some of it to you.

There was a story about a Good Samaritan. Have you heard of it? Do you understand it? The message isnít that you should help strangers. That story is about violating taboos. The Samaritans and Jews werenít strangers to each other ó they hated each other. Like, seriously hated. Like, Jews werenít supposed to talk to Samaritans or theyíd be unclean and need cleansing or something. But wait, thereís more. One of the guys who wouldnít touch the beaten Jew was a priest. The other guy was a Levite ó meaning, a big deal super-duper high-class extra-holy Jew. You know why those two guys walked by the injured Jew and didnít help? Because it was considered unclean to touch a dead body, and they figured that if they tried to help the guy and the guy turned out to be dead, they would be defiled. So they walked by.

Do you get it now? Jesus, your big hero, was saying that if you have some rule or conventional wisdom that causes you to do harm to people, violate the goddamn rule. You probably cannot understand how shocking this story was when Jesus told it. Because this was really, really shocking. First, heís saying that the priests and Levites are jerks; and second, heís saying that Samaritans, the skankiest, nastiest, grossest, most reviled people in that part of the world, were better than priests and Levites.

Continuing in this vein, check out the story about Jesus asking a Samaritan woman to pull him a bucket of water from her well. Again, total taboo breaking. First of all, heís not supposed to talk to a woman in public. Second, heís definitely not supposed to discuss theology with a woman. Third, heís not supposed to drink water from a well that belongs to a skanky old Samaritan. Fourth, the woman is described as being a bit of a whore. Fifth, oh yeah ó did I mention that she was a Samaritan?

Taboo breaking happens all over the place in the Jesus myth. (And letís be clear. This is all a myth. But itís actually an instructive myth, if you understand it.) Jesus heals a woman whoís suffering from menstrual flow; she touches his robes. This makes him unclean. Does he get pissed off? No, he blesses her and calls her ďdaughter.Ē He heals the son (or possibly servant) of a centurion. He heals people on the Sabbath.

Or let me digress to the story of the Prodigal Son, which you presumably also do not understand, despite your claim to be Christians. The point of that story is not that itís great to forgive sinners like the younger son who asks for his inheritance, leaves, squanders it, and then returns in shame after tending pigs (a Jew tending pigs ó get it? ) and falling on hard times. No, the point of that story is the older son. Heís the dipshit who thinks heís such a great, obedient, law-abiding, straight-arrow goody-goody, and who gets all pissed when Dad celebrates the return of the younger son, and complains about this, because ó pay attention ó heís a hypocrite. He follows the rules, and does everything heís supposed to do. But you know what? Heís the bad guy in this story.

So letís move on and return to our discussion of hating the homos. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone? Ring any bells? Or how about this: Judge not, lest ye be judged?

Oh, and hereís one that you even put on your own Manhattan Declaration document, which is ironic because you donít seem to understand what it means and in fact what youíre doing is the exact opposite of what this statement intended: Give to Caesar what is Caesarís, and to God what is Godís. In other words, do not become entwined with the state. Focus on the next world, not on this one. Or, to be more blunt: Stay the hell out of politics, you boneheads. If a state or federal government wants to marry gay people, thatís their decision. Leave it alone. Go say some prayers.

Yet somehow youíve twisted this around and interpret it to mean that you should impose your will onto others by passing laws that would force other people who do not share your beliefs to be bound by the rules of your Bible, even though (a) your Bible is fiction and (b) youíre not even interpreting the fiction correctly.

Itís bad enough that youíre hateful bigots. But to dress up your hate and bigotry as an expression of Christianity? That, my friends, is pure evil. If you want to go around hating people, fine. Go for it. Itís stupid, and pointless, but whatever. Go hate people. Just donít go around saying Jesus told you to do it.

So, listen up. You canít put your bullshit in my app store. Iím sorry. But I wonít let you use my store to spread your hate. I donít want any part in the spreading of your phony religion, either. There is no God. There is no heaven. There also is no hell, which is too bad, because if hell did exist, you would surely be spending eternity there, with red-hot pokers up your butts. And nothing would make me happier.
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« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2010, 03:21:09 PM »

Quote from: Faux Steve Jobs
Yet somehow youíve twisted this around and interpret it to mean that you should impose your will onto others by passing laws that would force other people who do not share your beliefs to be bound by the rules of your Bible, even though (a) your Bible is fiction and (b) youíre not even interpreting the fiction correctly.
ROFLMAO ROFLMAO ROFLMAO
Quote from: Faux Steve Jobs
Itís bad enough that youíre hateful bigots. But to dress up your hate and bigotry as an expression of Christianity? That, my friends, is pure evil. If you want to go around hating people, fine. Go for it. Itís stupid, and pointless, but whatever. Go hate people. Just donít go around saying Jesus told you to do it.
I think this is the part I hate about born again xtains the most. They are too spineless to admit they are bigots, so they have to hide behind the bible.

Anyway great fucking read Smiley
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« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2010, 10:28:07 PM »

Yep, saw this too and thought it was great.

The thing that bugs me most about many Christians is the flexibility they use in interpreting the bible. One minute god hates gays, the next, not to judge. I hear all the time, "Jesus teaches to love. But fags are sinners."

Is the literal word of god?
If so, why then do you always backpedal and say that it's open to interpretation?
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« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2010, 11:54:04 AM »

You don't even have to look too hard at what is attributed to Jesus to realize it's not all rainbows and sunshine either. I don't hate my family, thus can't be a Christian. Oh well. That's just what was put in his mouth by people generations after he died, though. Who knows what he really said or did, in the very unlikely event that he existed.
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« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2010, 04:52:35 PM »

I don't know anything about that site, but the author of that letter seems
well read on the Bible and spiritually frustrated.

I think he is well read on the bible because although I think I am quite familiar with those
stories, he seems to have derived an even deeper meaning from them.  What I see as his
spiritual frustration is the phenomenon of ridding oneself of adherence to a myth, but
not yet settled on a new myth. Cheesy

We are all deluded. We are all self-righteous. We are all imposing our beliefs on others.

To break free of that would be the real "born again", ascension, enlightenment, imo.

hmmm,
time for breakfast,
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perkiset
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« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2010, 07:23:06 PM »

G'Mornin Bomps.

Coffee Break
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« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2010, 12:44:11 AM »

Loved the read.  An alternate ending perhaps.  Oh yeah by the way, Christ himself is just a myth.  His largely undocumented existence (outside of the bible) is about as solidly grounded in reality as Snow White.  But for Christ's sake, if he ever had existed, I swear to God He'd be no hater  ROFLMAO

Not sayin, but just sayin (runs and hides from the torch and shotgun wielding townspeople)  Devilish
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« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2010, 03:53:35 AM »

...Oh yeah by the way, Christ himself is just a myth.  His largely undocumented existence (outside of the bible) is about as solidly grounded in reality as Snow White.  ...

time to pick on itto

What is reality vs non-reality?

imo, reality is what most ppl currently believe.

Bompa
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« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2010, 06:05:32 AM »

What is reality vs non-reality?

imo, reality is what most ppl currently believe.
Reality is mathematical truth. What you or anybody else beliefs is irrelevant. For example if most people can't see ultraviolet, does that mean it's non-reality? Jesus Christ or any other characters from book called Bible didn't exist, just like Harry Potter doesn't exist. Jesus is simply another version of Sun God. Earliest documented "Jesus" was something called Horus, you can read it up at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horus. Most of the "modern" religions are based on egyptian mythologies and it's all just simply about light versus darkness, day versus night battle. Try to read Bible and instead of thinking references to Jesus and God as a person, think them as reference to a sun... suddenly it starts to make a lot of sense.

But however you are right about reality being what you believe... you just don't want to use the word reality but instead use the vague references like "your world" or something similar that makes it clear that it's a subjective experience that each person experiences according how their brain interpretes it. Most people choose to copy their reality from their peers and people who don't are the ones who "think outside the box".
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« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2010, 12:10:52 AM »

What is reality vs non-reality?

Within the currently accepted playing field of provable truths, such as I exist because I think therefore I am, or I'll bet this rock falls when I drop it, all things verifiable are "reality" and all else is in question.  Granted this is limited and lame to say the least, since love itself doesn't exist not to mention joy and sorrow - except in the mind and heart of the individual.  God exists for you, Boompa, and I respect that like I respect my own belief in love.  But personally I don't try to convince others to believe the precise "truth" of my subjective definition of love... or god for that matter.  My god is life itself and we're just as much a part of it as everything else is.  Jesus agrees btw.  He told me last night  ROFLMAO

(Don't ask me what we were doing, or it's gonna get all sacrilegious up in this biizatch  Devilish)
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« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2010, 12:45:41 AM »

Jesus is simply another version of Sun God. Earliest documented "Jesus" was something called Horus, you can read it up at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horus.

The archetype runs deeper than the sun god (which Ra, Horus' father, was as well) but it's still the same rehashed fable.  The ancient formula was that of the dying god, followed by the resurrection.  Osiris was killed by his "dark and evil" brother Set (one of the many "Satans" before Satan, like Lilith before Eve) and then was resurrected with the help of the wisdom of Thoth.

Same story in Sumeria, flood and all - complete with dying gods and resurrections.  Jesus was just a more recent black blond hair, blue eyed example of the same.  Yes, this pattern matched the sun - not the "son" but also the seasons.  God dies every day and we used to kill people as offerings such that god would wake up again (son would rise).  The equinoxes tell us when god is dying and then coming back to life again with the winter equinox being the darkest (and most "evil") time and summer being the most holy or sun/son-filled time.  The sun's got electrolytes.  It's what plants crave.

Yet goddess worship was the norm before this, since we hadn't realized the seed part of the equation.  Mother, along with Mother Earth gave life - quite magically.  Once we realized the womb is barren without the seed much like the earth is barren without the son sun, we transitioned from a matriarchal into a patriarchal race, at least in terms of spirituality.  Life no longer magically bloomed like flowers first.  We became "intelligent" and understood that life was "created" by something else, just like our seed "creates" babies as the sun "creates" the food we eat.  We're just a bit stuck on the most recent oversimplification of the meaning of life and the story of how life started life-ing.

Give mother earth and father time equal time and I'll be the first to exalt Jesus to... wait, aw crap what time is it?  Father time has a wind up  Grin  Time for bed.  (now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the ...
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« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2010, 10:47:21 AM »

Popcorn
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« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2010, 09:19:40 PM »

What is reality vs non-reality?

imo, reality is what most ppl currently believe.
Reality is mathematical truth. What you or anybody else beliefs is irrelevant. For example if most people can't see ultraviolet, does that mean it's non-reality?

Ok, so that's what you believe.



What is reality vs non-reality?

Within the currently accepted playing field of provable truths, such as I exist because I think therefore I am, or I'll bet this rock falls when I drop it, all things verifiable are "reality" and all else is in question. 


And that is what you believe.




But however you are right about reality being what you believe... you just don't want to use the word reality but instead use the vague references like "your world" or something similar that makes it clear that it's a subjective

Right, but I didn't mean it in that sense. I meant that reality is determined by our believing
the "authorities" in any given field.  Scientists of all sorts, doctors, legal experts, lawmakers,
the courts, etc.  They say it and we accept it as truth, law, and reality.


Sure we check the math that we are taught before we gulp it down, but what are we using
to do the checking?  The same system of math that we are checking. hmmm

Same with the laws of physics.  Although most of us just believe what the physicists say,
some of us will experiment to prove it or disprove it.  So we go to the physics lab and use
all the physics tools, instruments, and data, and wow, it proves!  heh


When I look closely at my own beliefs I see that it all came from what I was told
or what I read. I believed it because so many authorities made the same claims.

No body can be in two different places at the same exact time.  Why? Because
we have been told that and we accept that, and no one has done it yet that
we know of.  So... that is reality.

Until someone does it, then reality will change.

So, all of our rock solid reality is just temporary self-deception. 


Bompa




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« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2010, 12:03:27 PM »

Fuck steve jobs and the christians.
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« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2010, 09:57:47 AM »

 Shocked  Popcorn
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